Internal Dialogue

Me: Sigh

Still Me: What’s wrong with you?

Me: Ennui.

Still Me: Too bad. Why don’t you accomplish something and then you won’t feel so ennui-y.

Me: I can’t. The ennui disrupts my creative process.

Still Me: Does it disrupt your this-isn’t-really-creative-but-still-has-to-get-done process? Cause you got stuff to do.

Me: Yeah. Sadly.

Still Me: What’s your problem? You just finished proofreads for the novella, and it’ll be published next week. You just sold a piece to a market you respect. And the submission process for that went swimmingly, I might add. One submission, one acceptance. Ratio doesn’t get better than that.

Me: Yeah. I know. That was awesome. I was really excited.

Still Me: Yeah, for about five minutes. Then you got all stupid.

Me: Novel’s being difficult.

Still Me: You’re being difficult. Get off your ass and write. Or did you forget that you literally have one of the best jobs in the world?

Me: Nope. Didn’t forget that.

Still Me: You looked at your Amazon rankings, didn’t you?

Me: Nope. I looked at other people’s.

Still Me: STOP THAT. You’re not in competition with anybody.

Me: Well, I kind of am, if you admit that the potential market is limited. By definition, all writers are in competition.

Also Me: Oh, you know what might help you in that competition? Putting out another freaking book. So get off your ass and write.

Me: Are you the same as Still Me?

Also Me: Not exactly, but we’re in agreement in this instance, so shut up and listen.

Me: It’s not helping.

Still Me: What would help?

Me: I don’t know.

Still Me: This has nothing to do with writing, does it? This is depression.

Me: Oh…..yeah. That’s why that felt familiar.

Also Me: No shit. You’re doing that opposite of winter depression thing, where you get weird as soon as the sun is bright and the thermostat soars above 65.

Me: Yeah.

Still Me: What are you going to do about it?

Me: Bitch for three months?

Also Me: No way. I’m not putting up with that.

Me: What do you suggest?

Also Me: More iced coffee might help. We all enjoy caffeine.

Still Me: And keep working.

Me: Ok.

Also Me: We’re gonna notice if you slack.

Me: I know.

Still Me: This reminds me of that project you wanted to do last year. On the monsters and the depression and the literature.

Me: Yeah. I’ve been thinking about that, too. I should whip up that blog post and put a call out.

Also Me: Work on the novel draft first. That pays you.

Me: Ok.

Still Me: Remember, the day you send it to beta readers, you get to crack open another container of Merkt’s.

Me: Hey! You’re right!

[temporarily motivated, she toddles off to write]