Into the Thoroughly Modern Wild
Okay, I've tried to confine movie mash-ups to films that are new to me (one in the theater and one from Netflix), but we've been busy, so this installment is Into the Wild and Thoroughly Modern Millie, my most recent Netflix pick. Guess which one I've seen before.
Into the Wild, an adaptation of a nonfiction work about a real person, made me want to…. Oh fine, SPOILER ALERT…. exhume the body of the main character (because he fucking dies at the end!) and slap him around for being a self-indulgent, snotty-nosed soul seeker who's too fucking transcendental to pack a map or learn the virtue of checking in with the goddamn ranger station.
The movie cuts between Christopher McCandless (a.k.a. Alexander Supertramp, a.k.a. Dumbass) acting like an idiot in the wilderness of Alaska and earlier sequences where McCandless alternately charms and then hurts a wide cast of characters, all of whom are played to perfection by actors who should have been given work in a different, better film.
Briefly, the story is this: rich-boy McCandless graduates from Emory University, but instead of returning home, sends his life savings of $25,000 to charity and then becomes a hitchhiker with a dream of eventually making it to Alaska. It's telling that McCandless's inspirations are Henry David Thoreau, Jack London, and Tolstoy. In other words, writers. Not survivalists. McCandless convinces himself that he will find Meaning if only he can make to Alaska and live alone there.
It takes him quite a while to get there, however, and much of the movie devotes itself to the two year period of McCandless's wanderings through the lower 48, and especially to the people who he meets. McCandless is a well-educated, deep-thinking, cutie-pie kind of guy, so we are led to believe that he was able to easily befriend most types of people, from a hippy couple to Vince Vaughn to a sixteen-year-old folk singer to an old man who is so taken with McCandless that he wants to adopt him. The old man, by the way, is played by Hal Holbrook, who very nearly redeems the whole movie by virtue of his wonderful performance.
However, McCandless is blind to the opportunities presented by these many interesting characters, choosing to coldly turn down every single good-hearted offer made to him so that he can get his ass to Alaska, the Land of Meaning.
Eventually, he does make to "The Wild," with little more than a bag of rice, a gun, and an edible plants manual. Oh, and his books of philosophy. Natch. In all this time, he has not once contacted his family, nor does he let anyone know where he'll be in the wilderness, virtually cutting himself off from any possible help, should the need arise.
The need arises. Once in the wild, McCandless manages to die with impressive swiftness (about three months - and it's summertime), despite the fact that he's in a food-rich environment and that he's only about twelve miles from a town (and even closer to someone's cabin). The movie does its best to make McCandless's death a real tragedy (Oh, anyone could have eaten the the poisonous plant! It's not his fault! What a tragedy!). But, of course, it is his fault. He had systematically cut himself off from assistance, virtually assuring that any mistake would be fatal.
So he dies. The. Fucking. End.1 There's a bit more, of course, but I was sick of the Message (Nature=Good! Civilization=Bad!) by that point, and the Jesus references were wearing thin as well. If you want a tragedy about dying in the wild, there's always Never Cry Wolf, or Grizzly Man. If you want to read about someone surviving in the wild, read Hatchet.
Onto the next story, which flips the meme. Thoroughly Modern Millie is about a young woman who goes in the wild of 1920's New York City to find Meaning and a husband. Millie Dillmount (Julie Andrews), like Christopher McCandless, leaves her old life to have a great adventure. Unlike McCandless, she has a brain and she's not afraid to associate with other people. Also, it's a musical, asshole. Everything about it is superior.
An outstanding typist, Millie sets out to get a job as private secretary to a rich businessman (any rich businessman) so that she can maneuver him into marriage. That's where it's modern, see. Love is not part of the equation. Of course, since it's a musical, love is part of the equation, and Millie learns a thing or two about life by listening to and accepting the views of any number of interesting characters, from southern belle Mary Tyler Moore to a paper clip salesman to (yes!) Carol Channing. Carol Channing's performance, by the way, has been credited with the enabling of at least one young man's alternative sexuality, which alone makes this movie notable.2
Millie, because she chooses to operate within society instead of running away from it, is able not only to find Meaning, but also to effect real social change by shutting down a white slavery ring. Did I mention it's a musical? Because that's important. Also, when she gets in trouble, she is able to survive it, because she has a network of people who are willing and able to help her.
If the measure of a movie is whether it conveyed its message to the audience, then Millie wins over the muddled and often conflicted Into the Wild. If the measure of a movie is whether I want to watch it again, then Millie wins again.
Thoroughly Modern Millie: 2
Into the Wild: 0
(Adjusted for Musical/Nonmusical)
Thoroughly Modern Millie: 3
Into the Wild: -1
1 I should probably point out that it's not so much that the movie sucks as it's that the story sucks. The movie was about as well done as it could be, considering it was focused on a real life, smug, snotty-nosed soul seeker.
2 Specifically, it was an acquaintance from my bookstore days. He has told the tale many times: He was watching the marvelous scene with gold-lame-clad Carol Channing getting shot out of a cannon shouting "Raspberries!", at which point a great light shone upon him, and he realized "Oh, my God! I'm gay!"