Okay, so I was going to have this whole thingamajig where I linked up the motifs of identity and public-self-versus-private-self in the movies Enchanted and Iron Man. I was also going to sprinkle on a dusting of "the virtue of naiveté in the face of evil" with a shout-out to Edmund Spencer's Red Crosse Knight -- but you know what? Fuck it.

Movie mash-ups work a lot better when the movies aren't perfectly fine, pleasantly entertaining, and comfortably bland. Enchanted

I’ve been pretty busy lately, so in lieu of the standard movie-mash up, you get my reviews in the format of an overworked absolute monarch on grievance day.


Southland Tales: If ever a movie embodied the fall of a noble ideal into debauchery, ill-will, and squandering of thespian capital, it is Southland Tales. If the Queen can’t figure out what the hell is even going on in the movie, how may we expect our common people to cope

On the one hand we have the Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (AJJBTCRF), and the length of the title alone tells you this film is going to be artsy. In fact, the director has what seems to be an unhealthy obsession with Holga cameras, often to the point of forgetting to film the actors. Long stretches of scenes are shot through wavy glass or faded with odd light effects just for the hell of it. I

The Battle for Algiers (1966) is a certified classic, honored with multiple awards and classy packaging. Be Kind Rewind (2008), not so much. Yet, seeing these two films within two days of each other leads my brain down some strange alleyways. Join me as I retrace my steps.

First of all, The Battle for Algiers is a foreign film, with all the messiness that implies for an American viewer. It covers the rebellion of Algerian nationals against the French colonialist

On the big screen: Steep
On the small screen: Stardust


In the recent tradition of Groundbreaking Extreme [insert sport here] Documentaries, Steep is a doc about Big Mountain Skiing. Specifically, skiing down incredibly steep, dangerous mountain slopes that are/were considered unskiable, like the Grand Teton in Wyoming, which got skied by a charming guy who now seems like the world's coolest grandpa, but was obviously a lot younger when he did it back in 1971. His feat, chronicled by

So we popped down to the theatre last night and saw There Will Be Blood. The place was packed, probably because the kids are still home from school. Our popcorn was unbuttered, and this sad, dry disappointment proved to be a portent for things to come.

The film opens with a long dusty shot of a dude named Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis), prospecting for oil. The director (Anderson?) took his sweet time establishing… everything, really. The pace of the movie is